138 Days Until Defiance And the Uncertain End (part 3)
Evester sat starring at the ceiling of his room trying to figure out what he was going to do. He had slept long enough. He had tried, for hours already, to get the motivation to step up and help the others with what still needed to be done. What he had discovered thus far was that he needed something to excite him. There, unfortunately, nothing to do so.
“Are you dead yet?” Uly walked in unannounced. He threw open the door uncaring if Evester was in a precarious situation. Evester rolled his head to the side to look at Uly as he was sprawled on the bed. Their eyes met and they both knew that this was not the worst situation Uly had found Evester in — far from it.
Without a consideration of embarrassment, Evester asked, “How is the project going?”
“As well as it can without the help we need. Are you dead yet?” Uly walked closer, hands in his pockets as his dark eyes bore into Evester. Uly’s eyes scanned the room and Evester’s body, before returning his gaze once more, unblinking.
“I’m surviving.” Which was to say–
“You’re bored.” Uly finished Evester’s thought, sitting on the edge of the bed. Evester starred up at the ceiling again. Uly had given him an ultimatum and at this rate Evester was going to fail at that. He had to help them, but Evester could not get the motivation to do so.
“Completely.” And there was little way to get him engaged again. Ever since his stress of being safe had dropped, he was worthless.
“You really are pathetic.” Uly laughed at the words.
“You aren’t allowed to say that.” Evester sat up. “You are my best friend.” He glared at Uly knowing that Uly would understand he was joking. Evester had expected frustration from Uly not humor. In a way, it made him feel better about failing Uly.
“So is Kim and she thinks you are pathetic.” Uly smiled at him.
“How kind.” Evester rolled his eyes.
“Come on Evester.” Uly placed his hand on Evester’s shoulder. “We need you.”
“I’m here aren’t I.” Evester thought of every possible solution and path, every idea. None of them were answers of how to get his blood pumping and his mind engaged. There was nothing here. It was safe and there was no time to create situations.
“You can’t live in adrenaline forever.” The words Evester had dreaded to hear left Uly’s lips confirming the deepest fear that Evester had: he had to change himself. Not a bit, not for a moment, but fundamentally. It was why Zeydar had refused him. It was the panic that he had been swallowing down as if it would disappear if he ignored it long enough. What would he be if he didn’t rely on danger? Could he exist like that? Could he become that person? What if he failed and no longer was able to support them the way they needed? He’d lived on the edge for his entire life, he didn’t know how to live normally.
If the end of the world could be considered normal, which for all intents and purposes it was, because Evester did not feel like it was the end of the world. Not even, when he knew the date and counted down the hours at every waking moment.
“I know.” It was his addiction, that he had to overcome. “I know. I need to work on this. I know that. But I don’t know how.” Often, Evester felt that nothing was important to him. He knew better than to believe that, however especially in moments like this, it was all he knew. He was empty, nothing, without danger.
“Help me. I will need it.” Uly would give him a distraction. he’d threatened to force Evester out of it, and still days later he had not pressed. Uly wanted Evester to overcome this on his own, Evester knew that.
“And I will help you.” The way that Uly said it had the same passion that he’d held days ago. There was a drive to help that Evester could hear clearly. Evester looked to Uly knowing that Uly would never discard him and that this was what Uly had been trying to get him to do since the beginning. To find a passion outside of risking his life.
The only one that Evester could think of was Zeydar. Was his attraction to Zeydar much more than his adrenaline? He did not know. However, he knew that the framing everything on one person was terrible for both of them. Evester had to do it for himself, just as Zeydar had done it for himself. Evester wanted to be someone worth their love, and that meant learning more on who he was and wanted to be outside of the rush. “Alright.”
“But first I need your help.” Uly dragged Evester from his bed. “I swear if I have to stay working with your father alone for much longer I am going to hit him.”
Evester laughed and followed after Uly.
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