140 Days Until Miracles And the Uncertain End (part 3)
Zeydar walked to the transport loading doc, his head swimming in sensation. The chatter was loud, bothersome, and made his skin crawl. It had almost ceased upon his arrival, which had only bothered him more. He knew that upon entering that everyone was starring at him. He could feel it. He could feel the way their energy noticed him and heard how the sound started to lessen. They were so focused on him.
His skin prickled in the magic of the world, stinging him and making him want to claw at his skin. The worst was over, Rayda had told him. However she had said the words in a way that she didn’t believe them herself. His head ached in the sensation of light and sound. It would get better, he kept telling himself. He’d gone through it again, and while everything was too bright and his magic hurt him, it would get better. He would learn to use his magic again. He would not have himself ignore the problem.
Since leaving Evester’s side, the pain had been all the more intense. His moment with Evester, perhaps he should have taken the opportunity that Evester was offering. That moment had felt too perfect, too calm, too clean, too good. Was that why he had wanted to push it away? In this post-Dreams world, was it possible to feel like that? Was he allowed to? Or was it the residual effects telling him to? He was not sure. He wanted to know himself and what he wanted for certain first, as much as he wanted Evester.
“Zeydar.” Shawn addressed him first. There was a way that he looked over Zeydar along with the few whispers that Zeydar could hear that spoke Evester’s name. That combined with the fact that everyone was here, and he had been in that room breathing in silence with Evester for at least a half hour that made Zeydar know everything he had to.
“I didn’t have sex with Evester if that’s what everyone is worried about.” Zeydar had heard their conversation when he had gotten close enough, that it was taking them a while. He heard Evester cough out a laugh from behind him as he followed him into the hall. It combined with the looks that were given to him by the others told him that maybe he said it louder than he had intended. “Sorry. I have to redevelop my filter. Anyway, no. yes. Hi. Are we leaving?”
“Yes.” Shawn seemed far from amused, but Kim was holding back a laugh.
“Stay alive.” Heia approached him. “At all costs, okay?” She gave him a hug, a feeling that made his skin crawl. He did not want personal connection yet. However? Why had he been okay with Evester? Why did he hold on to the heartbeat recording? Was it to protect himself? To save himself like Heia said?
Not all costs — that would not happen. He could not fall to— No. Thinking about it made him want it. He clenched his fists and nodded. “I will focus on the Circles and Stars and aiding them to the plot of making the ships as fast as possible.”
They were to be transported by planes that were already at the location. Planes that Zeydar wasn’t sure any of them could actually fly. Uly had insisted that it would be safe, that he would take care of it from the headquarters. They just had to trust him, but there was no time to wait. They had to get to their locations as fast as they could, and the planes were the only option that they had.
“Be safe.” Heia handed him her hand once more. He took it with a shake, placing her image into his memory. He was doing it for her, and the little girl she had once been. Their time together had not been enough to create an impossible level of trust, but it had created a connection between them that Zeydar would not question.
“Stay alive all of you.” Evester called to them, stepping up to Heia and Zeydar, hands on their shoulders. Zeydar’s shoulder felt warm and he had a longing to cling to Evester that he shoved deep down and ignored. It was just the — no, don’t think about them, the drug kept coming back to his mind in the form of intense cravings.
“To your planes.” Uly called out. “Heia your team first.”
“Let’s go!” Heia turned and shouted out. Zeydar watched as Trace, Robee, Lynx, Onyx, Kim, and Kori boarded the plane. Heia looked back one last time and got on, as Uly signaled for Rayda and Crass to seal them inside.
“Go ahead.” Uly motioned to Zeydar, who nodded to Shawn and Kony. Phil signaled for them to follow him onto the plane.
Evester caught Zeydar’s sleeve before Zeydar could leave fully. “Wait. Can I? Just once.”
“Once what?” Zeydar already knew the answer to his own question.
“Yes.” Zeydar could not stop himself. The desire was already there and while he had been able to hold off in the other room, the sudden shock of feeling good to bad and then back to good in his presence was too much. A kiss planted itself on Zeydar’s lips. The sensation was rough, catching him off guard. It was odd, and pulled at him. He could feel everything about Evester’s lips in the short few seconds. He wanted nothing more than to cling to Evester. However before he could, he was pushed back. Evester had cut them both short, to protect them both.
He remembered kissing Evester under the pounding lights of the club, the night he’d found out that Sweet Dreams had been the drug that the Stars used to control him. Then he had walked away from Evester in fear. It was the same as now. Only, now he was running, to the Stars, to what he knew, but for so many different reasons. Then he had left, falling back into Dreams. Now…
“This time you do not fall.” Evester whispered to him.
And Zeydar swore it. He’d die before he let himself touch Dreams again. He had to know. He had to know if his attraction to the man before him was real. If it were not just the sharp sensation of magic, and the hyper reality of the world lulling him back into a catalyst. If it were more than hallucinations, and dreams. He wanted it to be real.
“No matter the cost.” Zeydar agreed with him, slipping from his grasp and moving to the plane, to be sealed inside with Kony, Shawn, and Phil. The four were going to be his life line. “Kill me.” He spoke to Shawn specifically. “If I take Dreams. Kill me.”
“You would never get that far.” If Shawn was caught off guard by the request, he did not indicate it.
“Don’t worry. I already swore it to myself.” Shawn told him, and that was all that Zeydar needed to hear. Shawn would keep him from the temptation. He had to trust that.
“I’ve never been on a plane before.” Kony tried to change the mood, pretending as if he hadn’t been away from his sisters in total like this. He was without anyone in his family, save Shawn, who was not fully blood. Phil was without any EverDanger member and they were all at a loss to what they would pass the time with.
Zeydar decided on sleep.